9
You never really know when these things may
have an impact on you. One moment you are lost and the next moment you
are in it, in something you seem to belong to, something that gives you
reference in society or whatever seems to be important as a consistent stablished
state of order. Society is chaotic, some
say. But it’s also order, the basis to go back to when all seems lost. Well, is
it!?
I was lost when I started to work for a big company. I faced the system in a microcosmic environment and in it I found reference
and got lost from myself as well. Because finding an apparent anchor that
defines our position in life doesn’t automatically make us part of anything at
all. All the rules and sympathetic smiles were linked to a notion of welfare that
came in forms of roses with thorns.
I used to think of these thoughts as reflex of
my melancholic kind of being, but indeed I believe it’s a truth disguised for
good by a somehow eager curious active kind of mind. My truth, I should say.
Notice that I am trying to preserve it.
Well, I tell you about these feelings that I
have been holding back for a purpose among maybe others, and the reason is
justifying my current decision of quitting the system as I know now, for it´s
not social suicide to try to find out what is good for me out there. And if
what I say makes sense to you, then the purpose of me publishing this has
accomplished its goal, as that would mean that I’d have found a little bit of
myself in others who find a bit of sense in what I think.
Day one. I, Mary. In
search for meaning.
A girl has to start
over sometime.
04.23.2010